Category Archives: Events

“I’m tryna beat life cus I can’t cheat death”

I’m not gonna pie finger like Will…

I’m not gonna par any one like Sian…

I’m not gonna take a picture so it can last longer like Tasha…

I’m not gonna keep it minimal like Charles…

I’m not gonna be out of the loop like Julie…

BUT what I will say:

IF ANYONE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I HAVE IN THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS FOR ANY REASON I’M GOING TO BUSSA BUSS FLIP MODE AND LITERALLY CLEAR EVERY MEMORY I HAVE OF EVERYTHING AND REBOOT MY EVERYTHING WITH YOU.

Please… I’m saying please… What ever relationship we have and you see flaws in it i.e. YOU, please… PLEASE correct it as it’s not cool. You know it’s not cool. It’s tainted. It’s making my chest and head feel as if Ted Sprague managed to put his hand through me.

There’s no indies. It’s an observation many should take heed of.

*****

Moving on…

I performed at ILUVLIVE’s open mic session.

I won the ILUVLIVE open mic session.

I’m opening ILUVLIVE on the 21st.

Please come.

This is how I’m preparing for it…

Way past pen and paper. Like I said, if you can’t laugh at yourself…

*****

I don’t even want to revisit my recent escapade with the floor on the Piccadilly platform at S. Kensington. Please don’t ask.

*****

On a note totally not orbiting me

INDUSTRY TAKEOVER… STRATFORD CIRCUS… 8TH OF OCTOBER… BE THERE!

Photo on 2009-09-19 at 00.08

Oh yeah… I forgot to mention…

No birth cirtif' typo.

No birth cirtif' typo.

IMA BE THE HOST SO AGAIN, PLEASE COME AND SUPPORT!

Click here to register

God’s delay is not God’s denial.

I’m hungry. Let me go eat and drink water before I relive the un-relivable.

*Learning curve ball thrown. Let me gravitate to peace*

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Filed under Events, Music

PICTIONARY NIGHT

Julie is NANG for having get togethers like this. I propose Blackjack next. No homo

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Filed under Events, Jokes

Glorified Stockroomer?! SHATTAP!

Basically the moral of this post is never settle for less what your worth. Your parring yourself and probably who’s just about qualified for that position your in. It’s a slap either way.

Let me take it from the top.

I have some extra terrestrialgift of the gab when i feel to switch it on (sorry to the ladies who thought I was genuine when I said ‘nah your feet doesn’t look big in that’) so it’s only logical to apply it to a job where you need to sell BARE in a small space of time – retail

YAY RETAIL

…..

……..

………..

-,-

Unless your manager is Keri Hilson and your co workers are the Jackson 5 a good coupla decades ago… I don’t think there will be any harmony what so ever. People are genetically programmed to do AIR!

Well forget that one.

Let me kick it like this

Like I was sayin, I have that gift of chatting a bag of etc etc when I need to, hence why in my first two months I was clearing people, SLAPPING bills on top of the selling averages before hand.

No racism but… SHORT WHITE BRUNETTE WOMEN FROM BRIGHTON ARE PROGRAMMED TO BE HATERS… NO ONE TELL ME NOTHING ELSE…. MAN DON’T CARE IF YOUR GRAN FITS THE DESCRIPTION.

Sidebar: OVER MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

****

I’m leaving the juicy details for my Skypers but to sum it up for you guys…

– The manager got jealous

– Thought it would be ‘wicked’ to put me in the stock room when ever she could since

1. I was the only dude so she tried to get sexist and apply the ‘all males are strong’ saying to me like man can even lift my shadow up

n222742

2. SHE IS ENVIOUS OF A BLACK BRUDDA…

GOING TO THE TOP LIKE CLIMBING

(I was looking for one Wifey riddim me & Julie was BUSSING up to but this is soooooo much funnier!)

Sidebar: -,- <—that’s my sarcastic ‘fuck you and everything you stand for emoticon

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To day I went in for my quarterly review and she sent for the big guns.

the-apprentice-108

My manager wanted to let me go ‘cus she looked like a mug.

She tried to talk about my dress code… Since I was the only guy there I didn’t have one – FAIL!

She tried to talk about my sales… I told the big kahunas that she puts me in the stock room all the time – FAIL!

She tried to talk about my hair….

SHIT!

HAIR LOOKED FAHKED UP LIKE BUBBLESSSSSS

bubblesThey had something over me so my GM was like

‘We can transfer you to CLAPHAM’

aka

PAR!

I replied

‘If that’s the case it was nice working with my fellow collegues’

Handshake… Handshake… Open door… GONE!

BYE BYE KURT GEIGER!

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Aunty Sandra

My good chummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm(p) Jwls as typos like to know her as had the wickedest gathering of mates this side of the Millenium… If you don’t include Diddy’s white parties and the MDMA peoples in Glastonbury.

****

Basically it was all fun and games, alcohol and Julie, music and Sam, ME AND FOOD etc etc

Basically this post will be better if Julie picked up her phone

I’m saying Julie bare times right about now… And why not!?!?

DON’T ASK NO BAD MAN NO QUESTIONS

Grrr

Bare days before her birthday.

****

Aunty Sandra is a guy (no sex change). At this point I will like to say that I don’t know if  ‘Aunty Sandra’ is actually Julie’s aunty ‘cus far as i’m aware 93% of Africa call their mum’s friend’s aunty.

ALSO!

I would like to state that I do have a problem with gays. Yh I said it. BATTY MAN FI DEAD.

ESPECIALLY!

When they come in my store (dun know being a supervisor for the odd  day ‘n dat. Bwap!) and try on WOMEN’S SHOES!

I don’t know about the gay thing yh but when your gay I’m pretty sure you don’t wear women’s clothes.

Watch the par! Watch the par!

Ralph – ‘Do you want a pop sock sir

Gay dude – ‘Nah it’s fine… I have one’

THIS GUY BROUGHT OUT A PLASTIC BAG! NOT NO NEXT BAG! A LIDL BAG!

aldi450

NOT EVEN THEM BLUE SOFT PLASTIC BAGS – LIDL IS HARD BODY!

But back to the matter at hand…

Aunty Sandra had that Pasta that you concentrate on. That pasta you eat and LOOK atit’s detail before you box it down. The pasta you eat and don’t breath

THAT PASTA YOU CONTINUE TO EAT WHILST HOODLEMS RUN IN YOUR HOME AND TAKE YOUR ISH!

That good good.

That good good like when you marry a white girl (to the Af’s) just to get your Passport and you get blyed.

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Fail x

Hitting approx 3 am the jokes continued and continued and continued…

J came in out of nowhere and hit the crowd with her funny antidote about crazy women dem playing hop scotch with their whole FAYYYYYYYY- EEEEEEEEE – AAAAAAAAAAACE!

Best game of the moment

Kill Jeremy Kyle

kill jjjjjjj

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Fail x (squared)

Late night / early morning T.V is a par.

Being death and blind are two different things but the controllers at the stations are too high off fudge cakes to comprehend the somethings.

Major JEFF if your trying to read it.

Major JEFF if your trying to read it.

BTW watch the music channels when this guy comes up – MARD SKANKS!

Sidebar: SNM is the worst acronym ever devised.

*****

Good times with good people is just good. Introducing the survivors (minus Yemi Draygo)

The timer function is WICKED!

The timer function is WICKED!

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‘Where did Kanye get his swagger from?’

UD VOCALIST AND GHETTS ARE DOING THIS TING!

If you lock on to www.urbandevelopment.co.uk on a regular basis, you’ll be already clued up to this. For the small minority who don’t, the 23rd can’t be missed (unfortunately I won’t be able to see it but I’ll be there in spirit)

RE:DEFINITION IS THE SHOW OF THE SUMMER – RALPH HARDY CO-SIGNS THAT YAH DIG!?

This audio is just a preview of the work put into the festivities.

UD Vocal Collective ft Shezar & Ghetts – UD (UK’s Moving)

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Filed under Events, Music

TAKE THE WHAT!?!?!!

BEST THING TO HIT YOUTUBE IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY*

*HISTORY being the last 20minutes

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Okay… Okay… Okay… WAIT!

‘CUS I’M LIVING LIKE I DIED BEFORE (8)

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I luv live… 1st of June. Mardness to say the least.

The music was on point (bar the P.As where a CD was used; I was confused) and the catching of jokes filled my memory to near capacity.

How can ‘Marcie Fen’ as I like to call the duo get any random chicken and chips head piece girls to come do any 1 step move. Video girls need to make a comeback… Viewing pleasure has plummeted.

[INSERT VIDEO FROM IGBO BOY]… FAIL!

Yh blame him for the lack of footage. Your probably saying ‘don’t pass on the blame Ralph’….

Ok…

****

No one on the dance floor got a skank like him (8)

90 degrees anti-clockwise… Yh safe.

****
On TWO occasion I have nearly been evicted form my family home for playing music too loud.

Why you ask?

‘CUS I PLAY MY MUSIC SO DAMN LOUD YAH HEAR BABY!!! WE GOING INNN!!!’ (Westwood voice)

I’m mastering the ‘Watch me get the bucket full of water out of the well’ dance

DUM DARMMM DADUMM!

P.s I’m known to contradict.

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