The Journey with Robert

It all started with me leaving the circle from Nando’s after an eventful meal… Just know there is no circle out there like me circle YAH HEAR!?

Moving on swiftly…

The 1st train journey was a good read as I saw the the public have taken notice to my blog *shifts eyes* as the government want to take down the ‘sex’ billboards down due to complaints.

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And they should… its cranked! I saw two right next to eachother… ‘yh I didn’t see the 1st 1’

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I make my way to Liverpool st station to meet an associate but didn’t spend as long as I planed to and exited as fast as I came (NO CASANOVA). The white collar guys around them sides think that they are some next superior species. The instructions I received to meet my guy was to ‘ask for the building that has trains on top’… .wtf? Correct me if im wrong but trains are supose to be on the track… not on a building. It was when I asked 1 suit and tie cat my ‘wahala’ began.

This pompus prat replied to me ‘your not from around here are you?… OF COURSE IM NOT FROM AROUND HERE YOU IDIOT, IF I WAS I WOULD KNOW WHERE THE TRAIN ON THE BUILDING IS (reminicence of my guy Guess whos’ blog).

SIDEBAR: IF YOUR NOT FAM MOST PROBABLY YOUR BLOG IS DEAD. ‘IT’S EARLY… YOUR BLOGGING ABOUT ME… ON SOME JOKE TING… WHATS WRONG WITH YOU MAN?’

The second guy was more of a help but I wanted to sound is ear just as bad. This guy was more informally dressed for a ‘city’ person but just as much gadgets. He was on his iphone listening to music (yes iphone ‘cus I saw his headphones had the mouth piece on it) and brought out two yes TWO Blackberry Bolds out… contemplated which one to use to check his GPS map thingy to find the location. I WAS STANDING IN THE -1 COLD FOR TIMMMMME! Finally he gave me the directions and I was off to my guy then back out.

AY THE TRAIN JOURNEY WAS JOKES!

I duno if it was a mixture of the cold weather and consumption of fluids ant Nandos but I had to take a wizz. A HA… on entry of Liverpool st station, my eyes see the toilet sign logos. BUT TO MY LUCK IT WAS ALL DRAMAS! 30P TP FRICKING RELEAVE MYSELF! Again I thought it was a joke ting but oh no no no no. They were not having a bar.

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img00452 I KNOW CREDIT CRUNCH WAS A LOT BUT DAMN!

I’m all standing there moving back and forth like to say I was contemplating a new skank all these up the behind guys are walking past. ‘cha’. The guy no one expects helps me out.

I ain’t got a problem with omeless people, drunk people etc if they don’t bother me – I usualy check myself cus you never know when when would just flipmode on you. Anyway this semi drunk guy offered me 30p… YOU DONT HAVE TO OFFER ME TWICE! I’m in the toilet now doing what I do and this drunk guy is hovering near me and stayed with me for a long time (‘homeless!’) (it will become more evident in time).

I’m at the platform now on the way home and what do i hear? Yes. The drunk is being drunk. MAD ULULATION ON THE PLATFORM! The guy had the cheek to follow me into the same carrige. The hype was jokes in heinsight. The rambling began. He was all like did I enjoy my piss (If black people could blush) but was diverted when he started to wave the London Lite in the air like he was waving his rag SWIZZY! In the mist of it all I managed to hear his name was Robert.

THE GUY GOT OFF WITH ME AT STRATFORD…

SHET.


Bus station. Logical thoughts. He can’t get on my bus. I was so wrong. A HA! At once the 238, 473 and 241 arrived at the same time, I thought ‘this guy cannot get on my 241’. WHO WAS I FOOLING.

Without fail he trodded on behind me but this part of the journey was just mad commical.

We get on, and yes you guessed it, he sat a coupla seats away from me. Out of the green he made comments at my doggy hat, and how original it was too, with comments such as ‘you have dog on your head’ being said. I can’t stress how unexpected and jokes the next comment was.

Out of the turquoise he said ‘WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPANISH MAN WITH A PLATIC TOE?’

DEAD SILENCE…

… He just said ‘RUB-BERTOEEEEE’ in the most hillarious east London accent.

I SAID I JUST BURST OUT LAUGHING! (I got stares as if I was the drunk one… DUN DAT!)

He saw that as some type of invite cus then he sat down next to me and ask me what I was listening to. I thought I was smart and said a genre of ‘black’ music. ‘Bashment’… MISTAKE’E! He then said ‘any elephant man? beanie man?’ In my head I thought ‘whhhhhhhat!?’

The fact he said ‘let me listen’ was just a wow by itself. I gave him an ear and he was just vibsing… by then it was on a Busta rhymes tune AND HE KNEW THE WORDS! Who knew…

His presence was so live but I dont know why.

DING!

I had a thought. I knew most wont believe this story so I had to take a picture. ‘Cus he was drunk I asked him straight up to let me take a picture… He must of been in the Spanish mood from his joke cus he went on a different one and yeld ‘a ha!’ (thats why i’ve been saying it lol). Check the product…

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MAD CHARACTER.

THE REAL PICTURE CAME AFTER.

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He left me with some wise words before he got off around Plaistow station STRAIGHT into the pub… ‘WHEN EVER YOUR IN TROUBLE… KEEP ONE EYE OPEN AND THE OTHER CLOSED’… WAS I BAFFLED?!

let this be a lesson to you all… when life throughs you lemmons… be angry that it isn’t a drunk person cus they are just JOKES!.

SIDEBAR: THERES NO BLOGGING LIKE BLOGGING WITH MULTIVITAMIN LIGHT NECTAR AND SPECIAL FRIED RICE FROM LAMB’S HOUSE… SCOOM!

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6 Comments

Filed under Events, Jokes, Random

6 responses to “The Journey with Robert

  1. Bare leading him on i bet he got off finkin he almost pulled.

    if he raped u, only had urself 2 blame

  2. SHET
    dis was long
    JOKES THO
    SIDEBAR: U WANTED TO COME ON A KANYE VIBE

  3. ralphhardy

    ‘Mr Ralph is in the building!’

    Only Nigel’s mind works so cranked to say that.

    EMBRACE THE DRUNK! no sco

  4. loooooooool u gimme jokez

    out of the turquoise aswell might have to wrap that.

  5. nectar looooool u know i laugh @ random things hehe

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